19 Apr 14
71,347 notes
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Fluff rice with a fork, never stir it with a spoon.
Vaseline is the best night time eye cream on the market.
You can buy alcohol and chips with your parents’ gas station credit cards.
If you force something, you’ll break it. That could be good or bad.
It’s important to read the care tags on your clothing and follow those instructions.
Related: don’t wash and dry j. crew wool sweaters.
Changing your car’s oil is not optional.
Whatever physical objects you acquire you will one day have to put into a box and move.
You’re allowed to disagree with negative feedback.
It’s always worth reading the instruction manual.
Nostalgia, like any drug, can be a poison or a remedy.
Pets are like human friends but better in every conceivable way.
Good doctors listen more than they talk.
You can’t fix a burned roux.
Floss.
Just because someone is an authority figure does not mean they are intelligent/competent/right.
Measure twice, cut once.
Get your nice jeans and dress pants tailored by a professional.
If you’re uncomfortable wearing it you will not look good.
You’re not required to drink alcohol while in a bar.
There are a few things that cure all ills: the beach, your favorite album on vinyl, and fresh garlic.
Kindness is not weakness.
Baking soda is not baking powder.
Taking Excedrin P.M. while still in public is not advisable.
Terrible people will succeed. Wonderful people will fail. The world is not fair.
Appropriate footwear is always key.
You can absolutely be too forgiving.
Real humor punches up, not down.
Reading the assigned chapters will actually help you learn the material.
There are no adults. Everyone is as clueless as you are.
Applying eyeliner well is a timeless art.
You can always leave. Awkward dates, suffocating jobs, hometowns that you outgrow, relationships that aren’t growing in the right direction.
You can always come home again.
But it won’t be the same.
Life is too short for bad books, boring movies, shitty people, and margarine.
Never underestimate the importance of eyebrows.
19 Apr 14
513,396 notes
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(Source: dorklist, via cerebrul-thunder)

19 Apr 14
56,646 notes
source

ruinedchildhood:

This Ice Cream Truck Too Turnt Right Now

(via gthegentleman)

19 Apr 14
0 notes
1 day ago
Hey
Anonymous

Hello.

19 Apr 14
1 note
1 day ago
your posts are pretty hot lol
eonfigure

They were written by a man that I’m friends with. Oops. Sorry bro.

18 Apr 14
0 notes
1 day ago

If i get double penetrated by an elephant and a whale what are my chances of survival

18 Apr 14
0 notes
1 day ago

i need dick like a fish needs water…. ALL THE FUCKING TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

18 Apr 14
0 notes
1 day ago

remember kids if you don’t sin jesus died for nothing

18 Apr 14
0 notes
1 day ago

will barney the dino please fuck me sideways 

18 Apr 14
0 notes
1 day ago

my picture is one of my friends looking over the horizon of my ass

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